SEASONS CHANGE
Sweater weather is in full swing and I am reflecting on the changing season.. As I started pulling my heavier layers out of the closet, I thought about how life can change just like the weather. Sometimes, a brief storm gives way to a sunny day. Other times, we can face long, cold winters that may feel like they’ll never end. When the weather shifts , be it a brief storm or seasonal change, you need the right type of gear to get you through it. When the weather changes in our lives, having access to the right gear can help us weather our emotions and experiences.
What’s ideal weather for you? What do you need? What makes you feel comfortable? It may be a scorching hot afternoon with nothing but flip flops and shorts. Or it may be tucking into a cozy sweater and warm socks on a brisk autumn morning. I'm most comfortable when it’s about 68 degrees with the sun peaking through the clouds. All I need is a light sweater. As the seasons change, I know it won’t always be 68 degrees. Unfortunately, in life we can’t always get by with just a light sweater. We are forced to step outside our comfort zones.
Uncomfortable and difficult situations are an inevitable part of life. The experiences may be a single incident, an ongoing extended period of time or even what may feel like our whole life. The discomfort may range from unpleasant or overwhelming or even unbearable. It’s hard to make it through wintertime with just a pair of flip flops. These uncomfortable feelings are made worse if we aren’t equipped with the proper tools to manage our emotions.
We may have a sense of when we are facing difficult weather and even awareness that we don't feel fully equipped, but it can be hard to know where and how to get the right tools. It’s hard enough to figure out what to wear sometimes! The good news is, there are so many tools, skills, resources and ways to cope - more than I could cover in a single post. As a therapist, I love to help people figure out what they are experiencing, what tools they already have and what other skills could be helpful for coping.
When supporting a client who is stuck in uncomfortable weather - or when I’m stuck in some myself - a strategy I like to start with is mindfulness.
Mindfulness helps us notice our thoughts, feelings and emotions in the present. Imagine we are trying to figure out if we need to wear a coat today, but rather than checking the current weather, we look at what the weather was on this day in 2005 or try to guess what the weather will be like in six months. And then six years.
The practice of mindfulness helps us return to the present to get an understanding of what our internal weather’ is today. It’s okay if it’s stormy. That knowledge will allow us to use the proper tools.
One mindfulness strategy I find helpful (and also is in line with the weather theme ) is R.A.I.N. Originally developed by Michele MacDonald, R.A.I.N. is a helpful tool for returning to the present and observing things without judgment:
Recognize
Accept
Investigate
Not-Identify
Recognize: Take a moment to notice what you are experiencing and without judgment. When I first started practicing this step, I was surprised by how many critical thoughts would come up (and still do). You should be doing x,y,z… But with time and practice, we can notice our inner weather patterns without judging ourselves.
Accept: Accept that what you are experiencing right now is happening. If we step outside and it is storming rain, we could deny that it is raining, but we would still get drenched if we step out with out an umbrella and coat. However, if we accept it is raining, then we may be in a better position to plan what gear we will need for the weather at hand. Accepting your feelings or situation doesn’t mean you have to like or even condone them. However, by accepting we are in a storm, we can determine how we get through it.
Investigate: Try to understand what we are feeling or experiencing from a curious place. This step allows us to take a look at different parts of our experience in the moment - feelings, thoughts, sensations - and notice what is happening. Why I am feeling this way?
Not-Identify: Learn to observe our thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Thoughts and feelings can sometimes feel like a tsunami that is taking over the moment and crashing through our mind. . But with practice and self compassion, we can start to notice we are not our thoughts and feelings.Our thoughts may tell us “You are dumb for feeling this way” , but by not identifying, we can step back and acknowledge it is only a thought or a feeling I am having in this moment.
Life isn’t always comfortable but having the right gear can help us get through the difficult seasons. We need flip flops for hot summers and cozy coats for cold winters. There are plenty of tools that can help us manage and succeed when the weather isn’t going our way. You don’t know what will feel right on you until you try it out.
